Poem - Born A Woman
I wrote this poem for Centre for Feminist Foreign Policy's Spring 2020 edition on reproductive rights and justice issue. Never a better time to reshare it and keep on fighting the fight.
In my mother’s womb
I grew
Arms. Legs
Body. Mind
Heart. Soul
Taking shape
Taking form
Only to learn
That every space I enter
Is given on lease to me
Subject to my body
Born a woman
…
A room. I must seek permission
To enter
A bed. I must honour the man
I sleep with
A street. I must pay respects
Fully clothed
A future. I must validate
Before dreaming
…
Breathe, breathe it all in
Stick yourself to the wall
Shrink yourself to the size of a keyhole
So small, that even you cannot find your reflection
in the mirror
So quiet, that even you cannot hear your footsteps
as you walk
So misgiving, that you lose your way
inside your own house
…
Legs closed
Breasts hidden
Laugh suppressed
Opinions negated
Thoughts drowned
Pain ignored
Abuse appropriated
Fear normalized
…
My identity, contextualized
Into words that cry hollow
That scream into the void
Shadowed in perceptions
Of what being a woman meant.
Modesty
Obedience
Suffering
Woman’s honour
They said.
…
Soon. I learned to give space
Not just to other’s opinions
But also make home for them
My mind, that was my sacred space
I turned into a gall of invective
Towards every inch of my body
Narrated by millennia-old cadavers
Singed by traditions and expectations
Embalmed off the self
I now sought permissions
To take space
Even within my own head
…
Covering all spatial dimensions
A woman holds
This world convinces her
She must agree to the tenancy
Before she is validated
Of being whole
Her self is not pronounced by her own
Her self is defined by those outside
…
But, my mother did not howl
Giving birth to me
She released a battle cry
To announce my being
Nurturing space within her
She bestowed me with the energy
To carve my own space
To create a destiny
…
A lesson this world forced me to forget
A lesson I now carry every day
Space. Is not an affirmation
Space. Is not a quest
Space. Is miscarried hope
That I try giving birth to
Wherever I am
Wherever I go
Full edition of the issue available here.
Mariyam Haider is a researcher-writer, podcaster and spoken word artist based in Singapore, producing work across themes of feminism and social justice. Her work has been published in Midnight’s Borders by Suchitra Vijayan, Tata Institute of Cancer Research, Asian Review of Books, Centre for Feminist Foreign Policy, Livemint, among others.
Mariyam produces and hosts ‘Main Bhi Muslim’ podcast, which offers a space to diverse people from the Indian Muslim diaspora to share their experiences.
She is the researcher of former FT journalist James Crabtree’s ‘Billionaire Raj’ (2018), and science journalist Angela Saini’s upcoming book ‘The Patriarchs’ (2023).
